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Maybe you heard the old joke. Two guys, Joe and Martin, are discussing a problem Martin is having. No matter what helpful thoughts Joe offers, as usual Martin’s got a negative response. Frustrated, Joe finally says, “You know what, Martin, you need to get yourself an optirectomy!” “What’s an optirectomy?” Martin wants to know. Joe explains. “It’s where they sever the nerve between your eyeballs and your rectum to cut out your shitty outlook on life.
Some people are like that. When they look at themselves or the world around them, the glass is always half empty. Painting life gray is such a deeply rooted habit that it happens to them automatically, without any thought being given to the possibility that things aren’t necessarily as bleak as they feel. It’s a shame too, because the habit of chronically interpreting things negatively cuts so much joy out of life.
Notice that I call negative thinking a habit. That’s exactly what it is. Nobody is born a negative thinker. It’s something a person learns to do, often from the people around them as they’re growing up, people who themselves think that way. Still, the fact that it’s a learned habit is good news. What was learned can be unlearned and a healthier, more realistic way to think can be put in its place.
Getting rid of a bad personal habit like chronic negative thinking is not unlike changing a physical habit, say correcting your golf or tennis swing. Or to take a more dramatic example from the physical world, imagine you just moved to England and need a car to get around. Brits drive on the opposite side of the road, and their driver’s seat is where our passenger seat is. Not only does everything feel backwards, you’re aware that your American driving habits could get you killed if you’re not ultra careful. As a matter of survival, you start out very self-conscious and hyper-vigilant, eyes glued to the road, mentally coaching yourself through each little step. With practice, the new ways sink in, boosting your confidence about driving in Britain. After a while it’s become so natural you can drive and listen to the radio or plan your day.
What you’ve done is force yourself to unlearn old driving habits as you step-by-step built new driving habits. Naturally you felt tense and vigilant in the beginning. But as the new habits grew stronger and your body began building muscle memory, you began relaxing and didn’t have to concentrate so hard on every little move. In time driving felt pretty much the same as back home.
Changing psychologically driven habits requires undergoing much the same process as changing physical habits. There is nothing magical about either one. You have to pinpoint the problem first. What is it that you have a habit of thinking or doing now that’s causing the trouble? Then you need a plan for how you’re going to fix the problem. Changing any habit requires time, a precise picture of what you are trying to accomplish, planning, systematically coaching yourself step by step in the new, more desirable way of responding and lots of practice. Both feel odd, unnatural, awkward, and sometimes even scary at first. So just like learning to drive in England, if you want to learn to think more positively about yourself and life, it will take time, practice, and a willingness to tolerate some uncomfortable feelings as you break old habits.
Below I’ve outlined a few common patterns of negative thinkers, along with some examples of more constructive ways to practice viewing things.
1. Going From A Single Negative Experience To Thinking The Worst About Your Whole Life
Dan, an A college student, gets a C on an exam. He concludes he is a total failure and was a fool to think he could ever go to graduate school. An example of a more realistic and helpful way for Dan to think about the situation is:
“This is only one exam. One exam won’t have any real impact on my future. I didn’t study enough because I was sick. Usually I do well. There’s absolutely no reason to think I won’t do well in the future.”
2. Locking Onto One Detail, Misinterpreting It, Then Coming To The Wrong Conclusion About The Entire Situation
Sheri is seeking a new romantic relationship. She recently began corresponding via e-mail with a man she met through eHarmony. He was supposed to phone her but instead e-mails that he misplaced her phone number and asks her to send it again. Sheri is furious. She doesn’t believe he lost it. She’s convinced he’s stalling because he doesn’t want to move the relationship forward. What’s more she’s insulted that he thinks he could fool her with such an obvious lie.
Sheri would be so much better off to say to herself:
“Wait a minute. Look at the big picture, Sheri. So far, this man Sam has been very nice. He hasn’t given me a single reason to think he’s a liar. Just because that my old boyfriend Ernie used to lie to me, don’t confuse Sam with Ernie.”
3. Discounting The Positive Things Others Say About You
Jesse has a low opinion of himself. When anybody pays him a compliment, Jesse thinks one of two things. Either they are just being nice but don’t really mean it, or, on the off chance that they do mean it, he’s fooled them.
A better way for Jesse to view things is:
“Could it be that there really are positive things about me that others like? Maybe so. People have no reason to lie to me. Most people have some good qualities. Why shouldn’t I believe that I do too?”
4. Automatically Taking Things Personally And Assuming The Worst
Janet’s husband looks unhappy when he gets home from work. Janet, who often puts herself down, concludes that he hates coming home. She thinks he’s probably sorry he married her. That starts her wondering if he’s been fooling around. Janet becomes silent and withdrawn.
Janet could benefit from stopping herself with more helpful and realistic thoughts like:
“Don’t let your mind race. Stop assuming things. Jim’s never given me any reason to think he’s fooling around. Ask him why he seems so down. It’s possible that it has nothing to do with me.”
5. Worrying About Something Bad Happening Even Though That Is Most Unlikely And Does Not Fit The Facts
Sy has done fine at his job. But when his boss sent back a report saying it needed revisions, he became very anxious that she might fire him. From there Sy’s mind raced to thoughts that he would never find another job, his wife would leave him, and he eventually would wind up a bagman! Sy needs to work on a new mental script that sounds more like:
“Hey man, weigh the facts. I have a more than satisfactory work record. My boss Jenny has never given the slightest indication she thinks of firing me. Even if she did, with my skills I could be on another job tomorrow.”
6. Believing Your Feelings Even Though The Facts Contradict The Feelings
Alicia feels guilty and thinks she is a bad person because she said something negative about her dead mother to her therapist.
Alicia’s corrected thinking is: “My mother had emotional problems and was very cruel to me. I feel guilty and like a bad person saying that about her, but what I said is true. And just because I feel guilty and bad, doesn’t mean I should be guilty and I am bad. Those are feelings, not facts, and I want to work on getting rid of them.”
7. Blaming Yourself For Things When You Were Not Responsible
The teacher wrote Leta that her daughter was not working well in class. Leta jumped to the conclusion that it was her fault and she was a bad mother. Here is some thinking that helped Leta:
“The teacher says my daughter needs a tutor and we arranged it. The problem has nothing to do with me as a mother. In fact I’m a good mother who supports my daughter’s efforts and gets her the help she needs. This isn’t about motherhood, it’s about me being so ready to blame myself even for problems that aren’t about me.”
If any of these thinking distortions sound like something you do, work at catching yourself in the act of doing it. It takes a little practice because this kind of thinking error often is such a well ingrained habit that it occurs automatically. But when you know what you’re looking for, with a little effort you’ll be able to tune in to it. Catching yourself in the act is step one in correcting distorted thinking.
Next, having spotted a piece of distorted thinking, ask yourself what a corrected way of thinking would be. What could you be telling yourself that is more accurate, more realistic, more helpful? Keep sorting through your thinking, correcting distortions, and drawing on the factual knowledge you have instead of drawing on your emotional fears. Keep plugging more and more sensible ideas into the equation. By doing that you’re teaching yourself to listen to your own common sense, instead of letting yourself be led around by unchallenged feelings and outdated ideas that hold you back. As you figure out what some corrected thinking might be and try it on for size, pat yourself on the back for being courageous enough to be open to new, healthier ways of thinking.
Marion K. Jacobs, Ph.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in Laguna Beach, California, Adjunct Professor at UCLA and self-help expert. Her book and CD, Take-Charge Living: How to Recast Your Role in Life
Many people suffer from depression and it is one of the most difficult phases to through. There are several causes of depression such as failed relationship, career-related problems and school pressure. Depending on the intensity of the difficulty, depression can sometimes lead to serious medical conditions.
According to studies, depression is a condition that exists in the mind and many cases are psychological. People who are going through this situation can easily get out of it if they can realize that they are indeed in need of help. They must be open to the idea of treatment or lifestyle change. On the other hand, those who want to survive depression but do not wish to undergo extensive medical and psychological treatment must consider self-help tips about depression. Many books offer self-help tips on different subjects and if you are in need of one about depression, here are some self-help tips that will provide you the basic things to survive the condition.
You need to have hope. Be optimistic in life and do not let negative thoughts control you. It may seem difficult but you can ask help from family and friends for support.
Have time for exercise. Physical training tends to be an antidepressant, help in proper blood circulation, and increase the oxygen in the brain. Exercising can help you avoid thinking about bad things and stay away from depression. Keep yourself motivated and having any kind of exercise that makes you healthy and strong can be a very good therapy for depression. You can have discipline through doing exercises and discipline is known to be an important aspect in dealing with depression.
It is important to maintain a healthy diet. Having good nutrition is vital for the brain and body to be able to work well. A balance diet is necessary and it is advisable to consume organic food to prevent health problems caused by preservatives and chemicals.
Have a positive outlook and laugh as much as you can. Laughing can bring many benefits and helps in the production of body chemicals, which puts you in high spirits. Watching comedy films and television shows can help you feel better.
Learn breathing technique. Whenever you feel stressed, just close your eyes and breathe well. Slowly inhale through the nose and slowly exhale through the mouth. Do this technique five to ten times so that you will feel more relaxed.
You need to have enough time of rest. The quality is more important that the hours of sleep. It is necessary to have a habitual sleeping schedule and commit yourself with it. One of the signs of depression is not being able to sleep therefore; having proper sleeping patterns can be a good start to survive depression.
Be creative and make use of your right brain. You can attend creative schools such as cooking, painting or dancing classes. Focusing your attention to creative activities can give you the opportunity to meet new people and gain more friends. Keep yourself busy with different enjoyable activities and eventually, you can no longer think about depression that once controlled you.
More self help tips at: http://selfimprovement-101.blogspot.com
The happiest people are those who love themselves. You do not need to be perfect to be happy. What you can do is to love yourself more to have a better and more positive outlook in life. Self-improvement tips on loving yourself more are accessible anywhere and if you want to learn to love yourself, here are some insights to reflect on.
Complement on yourself. Give yourself good points whether physically emotionally. For instance, tell yourself that you look good on your new dress or you worked on the situation well. Complements tend to make your mood better. Try to focus on every positive side in any situation.
Do yourself a favor and have a makeover. Looking good can make you feel good. Make an effort to wear something attractive, put on a little makeup and go to a salon for a new hairstyle. This can give you confidence and realize that you can indeed look your best. It is a good idea to pay attention about your health and fitness. You do not need to have a supermodel image but keeping yourself fit by daily exercise can improve your health as well as your mood. Exercise can give you positive energy, which is very important with how you deal with people around you.
Treat yourself occasionally. Take time for yourself and go shopping, watch movies or eat in a nice restaurant. Pamper yourself with relaxing massage and go to health spa. Everybody needs a break after a long week of hard work and you deserve to have one. Traveling with family and friends can make a big difference in your perspective in life. Going to places that you have always wanted to go is a good way to reward yourself.
Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your strengths and on how you can develop them. On the other hand, reflect on your weak points so that you will be able to know how to change them. This way, you can know more about yourself and love yourself even more.
Do an act of kindness everyday. Do something good to other people. Even how simple and small it is, the act can give you a good feeling and a sense of fulfillment for the whole day.
Be aware of what you can and cannot do. Try to evaluate yourself and be honest on your assessment. The way you see yourself is just the same way other people see you. If you think you are funny and lovable, chances are they think of you the same way.
Do not be too hard on yourself. Learn to forgive. Nobody is perfect and it is normal to make mistakes. Many things can attribute to your mistakes and being too tough on yourself will only give you reasons to have doubts and worries. Realize your mistakes and find out ways to prevent doing them again. Learn from your bad experiences and let them serve as lessons, which made you stronger in facing life’s challenges.
Value and love yourself more to be able to get love in return. People around you can surely benefit from the changes you make.
More self improvement tips at: SelfImprovement-101.blogspot.com
One of the biggest ahaaa moments for me during my journey of personal development has been learning about the power of the words that we use.
We experience life in abundance whether that abundance be positive or negative. When I look out in nature I see so much abundance everywhere. So where did the poverty mindset that so many people have today come from? I believe one of the reasons so many people think so negatively is because of the words they use and the words they hear.
Words will determine what you think. Do you have order in your mind? I know my own mind has had a lot of chaos over the years. I was a pretty negative thinker, I had a lot of “Stinkin’ Thinkin’” happening in my life. What made me realize that I could control my thinking happened because of a headache.
One day a friend told me to quit saying “I have a headache”. I looked at her like she was crazy, why would I not say it when it was the truth, I did have a headache. Now for me that was a very bad thing because I have suffered from migraine headaches since I was six years old. She kept telling me to just say “I am healthy” regardless of how I felt.
At that point I tried to make sense of what she was saying and honestly I just didn’t get it. However, she was a very good friend and I trusted her so, whenever I started to get a headache, I would repeat to myself “I am healthy”. Sometimes it would work and the headache would start, but not develop into a full blown migraine. That was huge for me and made me stop and think about the words that I was using, and the words I was hearing from others.
We cannot always control our thoughts, but we can control our words, and repetition impresses the subconscious, and we are then master of the situation.” Jane Fonda
We frame our thinking by the words we hear. What we listen to on a regular basis impacts us more than we realize. What we allow to enter our brains over and over again gets imbedded into our thought patterns and eventually becomes habit. Some of our ways of thinking are good for us, others are not.
We have to choose daily to make quality word decisions or continue with stinking thinking. Ask yourself what am I surrounding myself with every day? What is repeating over and over and over and over? Is it positive or negative? Is it empowering on disempowering? It is not only the words we speak but the words of others, the words of the media through t.v. and radio, even through music.
The habits we have are a result of our thinking. Sometimes we are negative without even realizing it. Do we say “remember to pick up dog food” or do we say “don’t forget to pick up dog food” . Our brains don’t recognize the negative and they hear “forget to pick up dog food”. Hmm, we are programming our minds to do the exact opposite of what we want.
Making those quality decisions and choosing to say the positive words of the behavior we want rather than what we don’t want can change our entire life. When our words line up with the desires we have for our life we begin to speak our future into existence.
How we think each day can be set up by the words we hear and use when we first get up in the morning. What are you hearing? Are you turning on the negative news to start your day? You may want to re-think that habit and start your day on a more positive note. One of the ways you can change your words is through the use of affirmations. I start my day, every day, with positive affirmations. It would be my pleasure to share my list of affirmations with you. Simply send me an email to Carla@RetireWithCarla.com, put affirmations in the subject line and I will forward to you the list I say each morning.
Your life is what your thoughts make it.” - Marcus Aurelius
The good thing is that we all know we can change our habits. We don’t always choose to do so but we still know that we can. Words are a habit, and it is just a process to change them.
Delete the habit of negative words. Stay focused the daily habit of powerful and positive words. Remember these are habits therefore in most cases some internal digging is necessary to find out just what you are saying that is not in your own best interest.
My suggestion is to get a recorder, record yourself and then play it back. You may be very surprised at what you hear. You may even have a computer that has a recorder built into it. It is important to relax and get the “real you” on the recorder. Therefore I suggest that either the beginning or end of your day, sit down with the recorder and tell the story of your day. Once you get into your story it will be much easier to speak naturally and chose the words you would normally say. Plus once you have recorded yourself a few times it will also become more natural and you will hear that “real you”. Because the real you really can retire a millionaire.
Let me know, via email, what kind of words you have been thinking and saying and which words you have changed. I would love to hear your success stories.
Changing the habit of my words has had a powerful impact on my life. It has even given me the courage to write this article and share what I have learnt with you! I hope that you will be able to impact your life in a powerful way also.
Carla McNeil a HR Consultant. She spent 20+ years in the hospitality industry she realized that if she continued doing what she was doing she would retire dead or dead broke just like 97% of the population. Carla has now discovered the beauty of a home based business. http://www.RetireWithCarla.com Call me (778) 835-4032 You’re Invited To Terrific Tuesday Teleclass
1-218-486-7200 Bridge 549706 Every Tuesday at 5:30 Pacific Follow me on Twitter - http://twitter.com/RetireWithCarla
Believe it or not we control our own frustration levels. We create our own frustration by our reactions to events and situations. We ask ourselves over and over again why does this keep happening to me? Many times when “things” happen to us, we believe it is because of other people. When it is actually our reaction and how we respond that creates the situations we find ourselves in. When someone cuts me off in traffic I can decide if I am “gonna get even!!” or if I am going to say to myself “better they are in front of me so that I can see what they are doing”. We really can control our own frustration simply by the way we talk to ourselves.
Being locked into or attached to the outcome can be a big part of why we get frustrated. Sometimes we need to ask ourselves “Why am I so attached to this particular outcome?” I know for myself many times when I let go of my specific desired outcome and let other ideas in - the end result can be much better than I originally pictured.
if we use frustration wisely it can actually drive us. In my current efforts of building a home based business a huge part of my growth and personal development has come from using frustration to my advantage. Now I allow that frustration to drive me to do something different when things “just ain’t going the way I want them to”.
In the past when I was frustrated with a project or task I would walk away from it. Now I ask for help or assistance. Previously, I would go back to projects and tasks that I had walked away from, but in many of the cases, I only created the same frustration and would get myself into a vicious circle of frustration and walking away. The end result would be not completing the task or project. Now by asking for assistance I can learn a new way of doing something, apply it and “YAHOO” the project or task is completed.
We need to be clear in exactly what we want. Take a really close look at what you want. Are you doing the things you need to do on a daily basis in order to achieve what you really want? Make a list; keep it in front of yourself EVERY DAY. Because what we focus on is what we get. Are you ready to focus on retiring a millionaire?
Decide how you are going to use your frustration . Frustration creates energy, and we need to make a DECISION how we are going to use that energy. One of my first real success examples is when I quit smoking. At the time I had a 4 year old nephew he kept asking me “When are you going to quit smoking Auntie Carla?” then he would add the kicker “I don’t want you to die.” Now I know my sister and mother coached him on saying that but it still worked. People used to wrinkle their noses and move away from me in public arenas. Many of my friends had quit smoking and no longer invited me to all the social gatherings. My frustration with all of those different events happening in my life at the same time drove me to making the third and final attempt to quit smoking. I am happy to say that it was successful, not always easy but well worth it!!
What are you going to do to let frustration drive you? Send me an email let me know how the article has been beneficial for you and I would love to hear your success stories; even if you believe it is only a minor success. I believe that one small change now can change your future so please do send share with me about any and all of your success stories.
Carla McNeil a HR Consultant. She spent 20+ years in the hospitality industry she realized that if she continued doing what she was doing she would retire dead or dead broke just like 97% of the population. Carla has now discovered the beauty of a home based business. http://www.RetireWithCarla.com Call me (778) 835-4032 You’re Invited To Terrific Tuesday Teleclass
1-218-486-7200 Bridge 549706 Every Tuesday at 5:30 Pacific Follow me on Twitter - http://twitter.com/RetireWithCarla
“Transitions are good and I hate them,” I said only half-jokingly to a dear friend a few years ago.
I love my life these days. I’m happily married, doing work that’s meaningful to me, and living on the water.
But I never would have gotten to this point without making my way through many transitions: moving, changing jobs, and ending relationships.
Although in hindsight, I’m grateful for the transitions that brought me to where I am today, in the midst of them I’ve often struggled and suffered.
PHASES OF TRANSITION
Life transitions are the passages we make when our lives change: something ends, there’s a time “in between,” and then a new beginning.
Endings can be triggered by external events such as job loss, retirement, illness, death, divorce, or an “empty nest.” They can also be initiated by internal events, something inside us shifting, changing, falling away, or coming apart.
After the ending there’s a neutral zone, a space between what was and what will be.
Eventually we find our way to a new beginning whatever form it may take: new relationships, projects, places, work, goals, passions, feelings, or self-identity.
In our culture, the process of transition — ending, in between, new beginning — is seldom recognized or valued. We are not taught how to do transitions which makes it harder to navigate our way through what is a natural, normal process. We think that we (and others) should just “get on with it!”
Transitions can be painful. Your thoughts may run wild. Your feelings (anger, grief, confusion, emptiness, fear) may be intense and feel out of control. It may seem the transition is never going to end. You struggle, fight, and resist it, which makes it more painful.
I’m definitely not going to say transitions are easy, fun, happy times. But in making my way through my own transitions and helping others through theirs, I’ve learned ways to more easily navigate these trying times.
IN YOUR LIFE
Here are some tips for making your way through life transitions with a bit more ease.
1) Recognize you’re in transition and identify where you are in the process.
Recently a friend of mine was struggling. As we talked it became clear she was smack in the midst of the neutral zone of a life transition. Just recognizing this created more ease in her and then we were able to identify some actions she could take to make her neutral zone time less painful and more fruitful.
2) Take your time.
Don’t try to hurry the inner process of transition. Transitions seem to have a life of their own so there’s no point in trying to put them on your mind’s timetable.
In the fall, our Japanese maple sheds its lacy leaves. Nothing will make new leaves appear before their time in the spring. So it is with our life transitions. They have their seasons and their phases. We can’t force ourselves to be done grieving. We can’t will ourselves to know what we want next. We can’t make ourselves stop feeling empty or confused. What we can do is allow ourselves the time we need.
3) Step up your self-care.
Transitions can take their toll on your body, mind, and spirit so pamper yourself. Make plenty of time to do what is most nourishing and nurturing for you.
The standard “prescriptions” of sleep, healthy food, and exercise will help. As will the special things that work best for you (massage, beach walks, playing with pets, time alone, dinner with friends, journaling, etc.).
4) Be with and deal with the stage you’re in.
If you’re in the ending phase, that may mean allowing your reactions, your grieving, your anger.
In the emptiness and seeming aimlessness of the neutral zone it might mean surrendering and taking reflective time for yourself.
As you move into new beginnings, cultivating your curiosity about what lies ahead and staying open to external and internal clues about what’s next for you can be helpful. You may also need to face your fears, anxieties, and doubts about the new beginnings that arise.
5) Follow your lights.
Don’t I always have to say something about this?!!? I do find this to be one of life’s most useful tools. Whether you’re in the ending, neutral zone, or new beginning phase of transitions, notice what lights you up. Although they may glimmer only faintly, some choices, some paths, some steps will have more energy than others. Following these glimmers will ease and may even accelerate your transition.
Like them or not, transitions are an unavoidable part of life. Most often they lead us to a next chapter in life which we enjoy even more than the previous one (even if we were sure that would never be the case!). May you navigate your transitions with a bit more ease and find your way to joyous new beginnings!
Enjoy!
Bonnie McFarland works with women at midlife who are bored, stuck, or restless and wondering what to do with the rest of their lives. Visit www.labellavia.com for her free e-book and ezine to create more pleasure, passion, and purpose in your life.
So there we were, my husband and I, in our mid fifties, having to shut down our 8-year-old, online animation software company after pouring our entire life savings into it. Seeing our money gradually disappear during those years was like squeezing honey into hot tea and watching it melt away. The reason I use honey as an analogy is that we really loved our business and there was a certain sweetness in giving all we had for something we believed in so dearly.
I will never forget the feeling of letting our staff go during that last year, little by little… and moving out of our space… and closing down the websites… and turning off the phones. Can you imagine what it was like for my husband and myself to have nothing but credit cards left… at the age where we should begin winding down to retire?
Yesterday I heard on the news that President Elect, Mr. Obama, is inheriting one and a half million people having lost their jobs in the U.S. My heart goes out to these people because I personally know the terror of having nothing, not knowing where the rent money will come from and continuing to borrow, borrow, borrow to pay all the credit card bills.
Obviously, this huge provocation in our lives was cause to rise to the truth of who we really are, and to what is truly important. Our efforts doubled to wipe out whatever unknown, unseen resistance to abundance was holding us in this pattern of not “having,” although we were applying all of the teachings about “allowing” from Abraham, “scientific prayer” from Ernest Holmes, and many other teachings from amazing, awakened beings like Byron Katie, Eckhart Tolle, Ramana Maharshi, Pujya Deepakbhai, Lester Levenson and more. But why was “The Secret” not working for us, not to mention for so many other people we knew who were also applying these teachings? Something was missing. We were in the dark, but the dawn was breaking…
Finally, the Light has begun to fill our lives with Its Presence. Of course, It was always there, for It is who we are. But now we are waking up to our own divine presence. I don’t claim this as a boast about my husband and myself; what I’m saying is that we are examples of a higher consciousness that has inevitably become more alive in our culture today. What has happened is an Awakening, and I see it wherever I turn. Tens of thousands of people are awakening to some degree, all over the planet. For my husband and I, it has been a very long journey.
We are discovering through experience, which heretofore was intellectual understanding or a deep sense of knowing, that everything we could ever want is already here, within us. So our so-called struggle to make money, to allow abundance, to prosper, to get rich, to have abundance consciousness, was all affirming that we did not have that which we very much desired. An element of this awakening, that we are discovering as we are gradually “waking up,” is that our attachments (and aversions) are losing their potency and we are becoming more neutral about whatever is happening. We are also losing our attachment to any outcome.
The magic of all this has been such a surprise for us - it is that as we become less attached, this is creating an “opening” for having. It is dissipating the resistance that we have been unconsciously creating by being so very attached to wanting. And so the miracle that we have discovered is that the less we want, the less we are attached, the bigger becomes the opening to “allow” abundance to land in our laps. Now, instead of spending so much time worrying, we are spending more and more time letting go, surrendering to the truth of our Being, which is where abundance and freedom live. And that is our highway to abundance consciousness.
Chava is a ThetaHealer, Oneness Deeksha Blessing Giver, volunteers with a meditation program at Terminal Island Prison in San Pedro, CA. She taught fine art for 11 years and now invests in real estate and helps people learn how to generate cash. Visit her website at http://www.HighwayToAbundance.com
One of the things that I have discovered in my journey of personal development is that I must make the choice to step into success or I will just stand in failure. I find that it is necessary to apply pressure to myself in order to move forward and take those steps into success. Do you apply pressure to yourself? Let me ask you a question: do you wait until the last minute to finish a task, project or chore? Are you one of those people who accomplish 70% of the project in the last 10% of the time?’
If you said yes to either of those questions then you are applying pressure to yourself. Some of us work better by doing little bits and pieces of the project, task or chore as we go. Others work much better when they are under the gun. When they know they ‘gotta get it done’, ‘it’s due tomorrow’, ‘it’s due in two hours’.. Some people are much better when they are applying that pressure to themselves.
We need to be able to recognize where we fall on that scale and realize how best we react because if we don’t apply any pressure at all to ourselves then we are we are not going to learn, grow and step up into the success that we want in our lives. We all want success in our lives, whether it is emotionally, in relationships, with our family, in our businesses, or with our finances. We all want some form of success in our life, if not in ALL of these areas!
Many times, we human beings waste time feeling guilty. By doing this we are wasting our own time and energy. When we get to the point of the deadline for that project, task or chore and we’re feeling so guilty – ‘oh why didn’t I do something sooner? I should have spent more time! Why did I spend my time on that thing and not get this project started?’ As human beings need to learn that it is okay and to recognize that’s how we cope best, we work best under pressure. So stop feeling guilty about it! Stop beating yourself up, because when we stop beating ourselves up and wasting energy on the guilt, we have more time and more energy to invest in the project, chore or task we want to complete.
The other thing that we do, in order to not apply the pressure, is we hide behind our responsibilities. I used to do this so well – hide behind my responsibilities. Many times when I have talked to people about a home-based business, they say ‘oh, well I don’t have the time to do something like that. I am so busy! I have my family. I have my job. I have my charities. I have my hobbies.’
We all have those different responsibilities in our life. What we need to decide is ‘Is this project/task/business something that I really want to do or rather is this task/business/project going to create a result that I want. You have to begin by deciding what result you want in your life and then arrange your time based on achieving those results. Ask yourself : ‘Are there things I could rearrange or even drop all together to make time to do this?’
Are you applying the pressure to your own life to do what it is you really want to do? Sometimes those tasks or chores are not really things that we want to do, but we want that specific end result so we do them. We want our relationships to work well. We want our financial freedom. We want to be able to take our family to Disneyland. We want that specific end result, the successful life. Today I just assisted my husband in setting up his financial filing system, I sure did not want to spend time doing it, however I want the end result!! The end result of the nice clean, tidy organized paperwork resulting in his taxes being completed on time. I put the pressure on myself, assisted him and now I am very glad I did. Not only did the paperwork issue get better but so did our relationship because my husband felt supported.
We need to focus on the results we want instead of hiding behind the excuses of ‘I don’t have the time,I’ve got to go to work, I’ve got to take my daughter to soccer. I have got to take my dog to the vet’. Yes, those are all things that need to be done. However when we decide that achieving a certain task/chore/business is a priority that we could rearrange our time or give up some unnecessary activities to free up time if we really wanted to. If we really want that result, we could get it done, it just takes a decision. We will then stop investing in the guilt. we will stop hiding behind the responsibilities and figure out a way to make it happen.
There is a universal law, like the law of gravity called the Law of Growth;. In order to exist, we need to grow. How we grow is our choice. What seeds do we want to plant? Do we want to plant the seeds of not getting something done? Or do we want the seeds of success habits, applying the pressure and stepping into the successful life that we know we deserve. We all deserve a successful life! Ask yourself “am I applying the correct pressure on myself to create my successful life?” I hope you are!
I would love to hear about your successful life. Whether it is something you are working towards,.or dreaming about or have already. Send me an email to Carla at RetireWithCarla.com and tell me your story.
Carla McNeil a HR Consultant. She spent 20+ years in the hospitality industry she realized that if she continued doing what she was doing she would retire dead or dead broke just like 97% of the population. Carla has now discovered the beauty of a home based business. http://www.RetireWithCarla.com Call me (778) 835-4032 You’re Invited To Terrific Tuesday Teleclass
1-218-486-7200 Bridge 549706
Being productive in our profession is as essential as attaining our goal. Without our profession, there is no way we could get what we want. But no matter how hard we want to work, there are some factors or situations that happen to us that are beyond our control. Stress still visits us, and some external elements have the tendency to change our mood or to lessen the ability of our performance.
You know how important eliminating stress is. You also know how positive thinking helps you boost our work performance, whether you are a writer, an athlete, or a housewife. To be able to do your job properly and to increase your performance, you have to look at the brighter side of life. You can only do that if your mind and body are both free from negative elements.
There are a lot of techniques that can teach you on how to achieve a positive outlook in life. From the simple meditation up to the lucrative spa and massage, all can soothe your worries away. One of the techniques that you may use is the Emotion Freedom Technique or EFT particularly the EFT for performance.
EFT requires doing a simple procedure of tapping your face and upper body where certain areas will help you release the negative elements residing in your mind and body. As you do this, increase in performance is in your hands.
EFT for performance can give you a handy positive perception that you should always carry. EFT eliminates the kind of mentality that puts your self down. Instead, EFT for performance leaves no room for negative thoughts and emotions. It boosts the way you look at your self, your self-confidence, and other positive perceptions that unlock your ability to do bettering your performance.
Imagine if you are singer and you think you might not do well in your performance, that can be a reason for you to be nervous and presto, your singing performance is going to be at stake. This is where EFT for performance comes in. The job of EFT is for you to think of the opposite of this kind of perception. To strengthen this statement, there is a study that shows how a person’s way of thinking affects the performance. If the person is positive and confident, what will come out in the performance is going to be better.
EFT for performance can be practiced by anyone, that is why this technique fits you. Coach, parents, caregivers, or psychologists are using EFT as a technique to help themselves with their emotional, mental, and physical needs. But of course physical is also included in this area. People are also using EFT to lessen the burden that body aches cause them.
You can try EFT for beginners and start applying it to yourself or to other people who may need it. You can get a certificate if you wish to go beyond the basic techniques of EFT and see how easy and gentle it is with its promising long lasting effect.
Do you know how to manage stress and stop the frustration in day-to-day life and ignite your metabolism and to get warm up, get here the secrets about eft and to know more about eft training and free eft demos, do visit our site.
First it is important to understand the exact meaning of ‘Self-Esteem’. The Oxford English Dictionary definition is:
“One’s good opinion of one-self.”
Many people, and the psychology profession wouldn’t be able to survive without them, use the process of improving SELF-ESTEEM as an important step to the development of feeling good about one-self again.
This pathway back to a ‘good sense of worth’ may not be achieved with improving your self esteem alone, but we can assure you that you will have been elevated sufficiently to see what’s required next.
Positive affirmations are words that offer power to the subconscious mind … please read on.
We all have moments each year, each month, each week, each day and each hour where we may have sensed a period of sadness ensuing. It could have been a verbal attack on our character, it could have been a series of bad events. Whatever happens to you may never happen to anyone else; these routes to the doldrums are very personal.
Negativity is a sore point for any individual, so we need to develop a process of rising through these periods of confusion, and these are best defeated with us in a stronger frame of mind.
Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it’s about not thinking bad for no reason!
Notice the small differences as they happen. Persevere and don’t expect everything at once. Beating low self esteem is a wonderful thing, and it’s much easier than you’d imagine.
“The way you overcome shyness is to become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afraid.” (Lady Bird Johnson).
Assume in this illustration that your ‘soul’ or your ‘personality’ is the book.
(Positive affirmations are words that offer power to the subconscious mind … please read on.)
THE BLUE BOOK
This particular book was blue with a gold embossed title. Within the first few pages I noticed its reprint date in 1905. Without telling you the name of the book, would you know from the description so far what book it was? No, I don’t suppose you would.
In 1905 it was a new book, printed and bound to the highest quality. Although translated into a hundred languages the new owner found delight in having bought it.
The book was full of information and although the owner was only aged 10 he began to read from page 1. It wasn’t long before he put his own stamp on the book by writing his name on the inside front cover. He was proud to own it and was happy for everyone to know that too.
It wasn’t a book he read straight through, for it took him 5 years to finish it; but he recalls the journey was well worth the wait. It became a proud possession and moved from shelf to shelf in his bedroom.
His parents were having a clear out and decided to collect some old items and send them to a local jumble sale. It was evident that the blue book was popular, it was soiled, damaged by various accidents, its pages were folded, creased and several were scribbled on while the owner was still young. The parents asked if they could include this in their collection for the jumble sale as it didn’t look too healthy.
It may not have been impressive to look at, but the content was excellent. The value to the owner had not decreased from day one. So, NO the parents could not take it.
The owner grew older and found himself a wife and now engrossed in his new life mislaid the book at his parent’s home. It wasn’t long before his parents had another house clear out and this time the book went to the jumble sale.
During that day at the jumble sale many people picked up the book with almost everyone considered it worthy to buy. It was an old woman who bought the book for a few pence. She referred to the book as revisiting an old friend. Over the next 15 years she read it through about five times. Although the book may not have been in pristine condition the content was still valuable.
The old woman passed away and her belongings taken to a second-hand shop. The blue book was purchased once again for a few pence by a mother who bought it specifically for her own children. Both children read it on several occasions and one kept it in his book collection for 40 years.
This current owner found his house on fire and although many expensive items were destroyed his book collection had been saved; although now the cover of the blue book was dirtier than ever. As it happens with time, the blue book changed hands several more times; one of which had spent time to meticulously clean the book. As I write this recollection the book is 100 years old, a little tatty around the edges but still of value because of the content.
Doesn’t this seem similar to our life and how we sometimes have to drag ourselves off the floor and dust ourselves down?
Many times in our lives, we get dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or creased, you are still priceless to this life.
By the way the blue book is entitled ‘The Bible’.
Positive affirmations are words that offer power to the subconscious mind … to read more please visit this site: http://www.GlobalTop5.com/affirmations.html
Mr. Phil Booker Senior Affirmation Advisor For more information on